Only in America

Liam X · Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 7:17 pm Post subject:

Just got this, now, these are ACTUAL newspaper clippings from Various places in america in 2005.

Some of them are funny, despite the tradgedy.

12.) According to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy
Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the game of
chicken they were playing with their Snowmobiles.

11.) In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water
after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his
car keys.

10.) A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker accidentally jogged off a
100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

9.) Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into
the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug
the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach
chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5
feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and
shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but
could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour
to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a
hospital.

8.) Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first
through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when
the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed
into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

7.) According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was
stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was trying
to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest Berrena was wearing.

6.) Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Delaware, as he won a
bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets
into his mouth and pull the trigger.

5.) In Guthrie, Oklahoma,, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with
a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a rock near the
hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull.

4.) In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out cobwebs
in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane torch and caused
a fire that burned the first and second floors of his house.

3.) Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his wife
Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car
While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to
toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice
the window was closed

2.) TACOMA, WA - - Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one
of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows
Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least
10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the
midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope.
Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of
lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's
leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the
cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived
his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All
I can say "said Bingham "is that God was watching out for me on that night."
"There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.

1.) Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his
constipated elephant, Stefan, 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel
of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly,
and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing
elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer
force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the
ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant
continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn
police detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him, he
lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and
during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents.

_________________
I feel like nothin' I do is ever right
And that I'm playin the fool every night
And I admit, I don't take care of myself
So I do a lot of thinkin' and preparing myself
'Cause the fact is my friend died young and I might, too

shorty · Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 8:29 am Post subject:

as you said, Liam, only in America!